Parenting
Transracial Adoption of Older Children, Culture and Geography
By Eric Patnoe
Jul 28, 2007, 17:20

I have been reading a lot on transracial adoption. Some articles have been written by adoptive parents and others by grown adoptees. The overwhelming message is that parents with children of a race other than theirs should embrace and some suggest an immersion into the child's racial culture. I have eight children, some would be considered Hispanic, some African American, some Caucasian, and some racially mixed. To be honest, I don't know which race or culture to pick. Do I pick a different one for each child, depending on how dark their skin is? Is one better than the other? What if I pick the wrong one?

What is race? It is the division of humankind by by a set of physical characteristics. Not separated genetically nor by sub species, like within the animal kingdom, not by customs or celebrations, but by physical traits. That is because there are, in essence, no genetic differences between the races. There is no such thing as race in human beings. That's right, ... no such thing as race in human beings. We have collectively chosen skin color, hair type, and eye shape to separate ourselves. This makes as much sense as using earlobe type, fingernail shape and 2nd toe length as the criteria for race.

My oldest daughter told me one day that her race was Mexican. Many of her friends believe this also. I explained that Mexican is a nationality not a race. Then she said "I mean my race is Hispanic." I then explained that Hispanic means your heritage comes from a Spanish speaking country. She asked "what race am I then?" I said, "probably Caucasian, look in the mirror your skin is about the same color as mine." Her brother, my oldest son, from the other room yelled "The Human Race." I have the tendency to go with my son on this.

My oldest daughter and son's first Mom is Caucasian. On some of the paperwork she listed herself as such, sometimes she checked the Hispanic box. She was the child of a transracial or a transcultural coupling, Hispanic and Caucasian. My daughter and my son are from their mixed-race Mom and a Hispanic Father. What race are they? My son prefers "HUMAN." My daughter doesn't know.

What race or culture should my daughter bond with? My daughter grew up in predominantly African American neighborhoods. Her friends at the shelters and orphanages were predominantly African American. Her Step Father was African American. Her youngest siblings are racially mixed, they look African American. She used to, and occasionally still does, speak with an urban African American dialect. Her skin is pale, her features are Hispanic, yet her Culture was African American.

Race and culture do not go hand in hand. Is there a Euro American culture? An African American culture? No there are many cultures. Perhaps even micro-cultures, sub cultures if you will. I am Caucasian. I am from Minneapolis, a fairly large metropolis. I moved to the prairie farm lands of South Western Minnesota. These are two drastically different cultures. The Caucasian people I associated with in Minneapolis are a world apart from the people (predominantly white) I know here. My son's friends are mostly Hispanic, as were his friends in Texas. There is a huge culture difference. His friends in Texas were from families that had been in the US for generations. Most didn't speak Spanish. Here in rural MN, his friends are 2nd generation immigrants. Most of their parents struggle to speak English. They eat different food than his friends in Texas. It is not the same culture. It is different based on many things, skin color is not one of them.

My daughter, coming from a Hispanic background quickly took to making friends with the Hispanic girls at her new school. She struggled greatly. Their culture and values were very different from hers. Her friends struggled with her independence as a young woman, her desire to go to college after high-school, not to get married right away and have babies with a boy that her family has groomed to be her husband. This is not the Hispanic culture. This is a geographical culture. Again, it has nothing to do with skin color. The criteria for this culture is; 2nd generation immigrants from Northern Mexico, now living in rural S.W Minnesota. For all I know this could be the culture unique to only four families in three small towns. I'm sure this culture differs distinctly from the Hispanic culture in Manhattan. I'm sure there are a multitude of distinct Hispanic cultures within Manhattan. Another example, my kids from Texas never even heard of Cinco de Mayo. On St. Paul's West side it's one of the biggest events the city has to offer. Everyone in the Twin Cities knows, at a minimum, when and where the Cinco de Mayo celebration is held.

My point - Determining a person's race in its self is racist. Cultures are much too fluid and based on geography even micro-geography not race. Ex. different neighborhoods or towns with people of the same physical characteristics have different customs and beliefs. My culture is no better or worse than yours or anyone else's. All are legitimate. I have children of varying shades what label should I place on them and what culture should I prompt them towards. Again, do I pick a different one for each child, depending on how dark their skin is?

Humans are incredibly adaptable. Even as individuals. Race is irrelevant. Culture is ever-changing and different based on geography. Examples; Kwanzaa was started in 1966. Hispanics in Honduras don't celebrate Cinco de Mayo, Caucasians in Suburban Boise probably don't eat the same meals as a family in rural Alabama. The confusion and hurt your child may have about being a different color than his/her parents is nothing more than racism. It is caused by our society's values, that birds of a feather must flock together. Remember, the real damage was done prior to them entering the foster care system.

A What If?
Had my children not been removed from their first Mom, what would their race or culture be? White Mom, some had a Hispanic Dad, some had an African American Dad, Some had this man as a Step Dad. Bio Mom has since remarried and had children with a Caucasian man. Presumably they would be living at least part time with their Mom and her new husband and their white children. What Race or Culture should they immerse them in?

My children get exposure to many races and cultures. We live between to Reservations, the area is rich in Native history. We attend annual Wacipis. We have Hispanic friends here. We have White friends here. We have friends of every shade and nationality in Minneapolis. We have an extended family with different religions, ranging from Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, and Pagan. We all get along with our differences, skin, hair, height, beliefs, food.... Who is to say which or who is right or best especially based on skin color?

I believe that our cultures in the US have more in common than different. Christmas is celebrated by the vast majority of people living in North America. It crosses many cultural lines. I know Secular Humanists that still have a Christmas celebration with their families. I know a Jew that has a Christmas celebration. It is part of our culture as Americans.

Look for diversity when raising your children. Even if your children are the same color as you. Make them well rounded, experienced, understanding, and accepting young people. Those are the qualities that make leaders. Show them the beauty of being different and accepting difference.

Eric Patnoe and his wife of 19 years, Jodi, are a Stay At Home Parents to 8 children. Six of their children are the majority of a sibling group that was adopted from the foster care system. More about Eric and his family can be seen at http://www.pandacurry.com
Copyright 2007 Eric Patnoe


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