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Last Updated: Jun 10th, 2008 - 18:32:34 |
I’m writing this article because of the many myths that America has on Open adoptions.
We have Dr. Phil who bless his heart and his outstanding parenting advice, but I’m sorry he needs a few lessons on open adoptions! Then we have the many hopeful adoptive couples, that have such a deep want in their heart for a baby that they will tell a potential birth mom anything to get her to pick them as the adoptive family, only later to find out they closed the open adoption. Next we have the adoptive couple that has good intentions however knows so little about adoption, that while adopting they just go through the motions, rather than feeling and appreciating the emotions that the potential birth mom is going through. And last but not least there is the general public who sees adoptive parents as “broken people”, and birth mom’s as girls who have an “unwanted” pregnancy and just don’t care so they “give” their babies away.
Four years ago I became an adoptive parent and was one that was lost in the motions, and didn’t truly appreciate the emotions, and sacrifice that was being made by my daughter’s birth mom. The past few months have proved to be an “enlightenment” for me, as I’ve had the opportunity to meet some birth mom’s’ who have become friends and have touched my heart and life in many ways- America’s “myth” that a potential birth mom has no feelings for their unborn child FALSE!
I had the opportunity to become so close to one potential birth mom that everyday I saw the emotions she had and how much she did love her unborn child, for over two months I listened to her feelings, and thoughts as she went through the very tough decision of placing her baby for adoption, and I also watched daily the emotions she had right up to the placement of her baby, I can assure you that these girls that place their babies for adoption, truly love their babies and are making a huge sacrifice, putting the love of a child before their own feelings.
I will tell you this if every hopeful adoptive parent was able to see the emotions in a birth mom that I was able to witness, there would be a lot less of the “lost adoptive parents”, and of the adoptive parents closing an open adoption.
I also have had the privilege of getting to know a birth mom by the name of Coley, she placed her baby 2 years ago, and very much loves him, and this shows in her thoughts and actions each day that I talk to her.
Coley is the co-founder of a group called Birthmombuds.com, along with her best friend Lani, Coley has opened her heart and life to helping potential birth parents, girls that are in the same place she was 2 years ago. Coley makes herself available 24 hours a day to these girls, and birthmombuds offers a network of mentors across the US to help girls that are faced with the possibility of placing a child for adoption. Coley offers them support and hope for the future, and also aids those that do place in finding a hopeful adoptive family.
Birthmombuds also sends care packages to these birth mom’s after they place their babies too. Not only does Coley offer these girls a wide variety of support and lends them a listening ear, she does the same for adoptive and hopeful adoptive parents that she comes in contact with, she shares her experience, thoughts, and feelings on adoption with adoptive parents too. Because of Coley and these other birth mom’s I’ve met my whole view on adoption has changed for the better; adoption is a blessing to hopeful adoptive parents, not a last resort to a “broken couple”. It’s an option to potential birth mothers, one of love and deep thought and sacrifice. Birth mom’s are special and do care about their children, they don’t just place a baby and walk away never to think of that child again.
And so to all you hopeful adoptive parents, take the time to learn about open adoption and what is best for the child and everyone involved- I’d like to send KUDOS to Coley and all the birth mom’s in America, because they do such a good job making it through each day before and after placement, and because they put the love of a child before their own feeling and wants .
Shannon Washington State
hsmadopt@cableone.net
Im an adoptive mom to a wonderful 4 year old daughter, and we have an open adoption with her entire birth family. We are now praying for our second child, by the blessing of adoption.
www.hsmadopt.com
© Copyright 2008 by AdoptionDesk.com
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