Lifetime

First, some background information: After over 20 years of working in and assisting adoptive parents and birthparents in their adoption needs, I have seen what successful families do and what the families that struggle and spend too much money have not done. The successful parents spend time in learning about adoption, the process and what it takes to be successful and then apply it to their adoption.

In my estimate only 25% of prospective adoptive families are focused actively on learning about adoption -- they read adoption books, listen to audiotapes, ask important questions of other adoptive families, adoption professionals, agencies, attorneys, adoption facilitators and attend adoption seminars. Their goal is to find new and better ways to improve their results and become more successful in a shorter time. They are focused on understanding completely what they are embarking on in their adoption.

Not surprisingly, these 25 percent are the parents who are most successful sooner than other parents that often just give up or don’t do anything. Since you're reading this, chances are you're either in that 25% -- or moving towards entering this successful group. Congratulations and Good for you and the child that is depending on you to find them.

Here are 7 easy ways to gain the most benefit from what you learn:

1. Learn from people who are already successful in adoption

Don't take advice from people who haven't "been there, done that”. Plenty of people who give advice are wrong -- they have opinions, but not in-the-trenches experience in adopting. Often, if they have never adopted, or have not adopted for several years, you will find that the methods, laws and experiences of adoption have changed. Following the advice of these people can be frustrating and a waste of your time -- or worse it can lead you down the wrong path.

This also means you shouldn't take advice from Aunt Polly, Uncle Charles, or your neighbor -- unless Polly, Charles, or your neighbor has been through a successful adoption recently.

Often, people who haven't adopted are naysayers -- and their (perhaps unintentional) goal is to stop you from succeeding. Don't let them! My own mother wasn’t very positive about adoption until we had our son in our arms and she could see how wonderful adoption can be. Some people are just uneducated about adoption and learn what they know from negative media instead of the reality that most adoptions go very well and without problems. The media knows fear and drama sells, even if it represents only a small portion of the adoption experience.

2. Read and listen actively

As you read or listen, always ask yourself: "How can I apply this to my adoption journey?" Take notes. If you don't apply what you learn, "the knowledge in the book will stay in the book" -- and you won't benefit. Be sure to visit Lets Talk Adoption www.LetsTalkAdoption.com for interviews you can listen to about adoption.

3. Allocate time each week to learning more about adoption.

As humans we spend between 3 and 8 hours each week learning new things. Make the time, it's the key to your success. For instance knowing the laws in your state and basic adoption terms can help prevent you from spending unnecessary money by asking an attorney to explain simple terms you can understand on your own. Work on your adoption budget and determine how you will fund your adoption.

4. Don't try to be perfect.

You don't have to learn everything at once. Start with adoption terms, and then move on to adoption law in your state. (You can do a search for current law by entering into your browser “California family law” . When you find something you have questions about, write it down, research it and ask others. Again, don't try to be faultless. Just take it one step (or topic) at a time. When we were adopting, I took one hour a day and devoted it to learning about adoption. I did this by reading, speaking to others that had adopted and seeking out adoption professionals.



5. Educate yourself about adoption

As you are doing this, you will find you are saving money. The money you put into reading books will more than save you in legal costs, errors in decision making, spotting red flags in an adoption, and save you at least four times what you might spend on tapes and seminars. At the end of your adoption, you will look at the total amount you spent on learning about adoption and how much value you acquired for the money.

I have also noticed that the informed family makes better adoption decisions, they are less stressed, and they communicate better with birth parents. They have overall a much better experience in their adoption than those that did very little to understand the adoption process and what birth parents are feeling and would like in an adoption. It's an amazing investment. You can find a great deal of helpful information in my book AdoptingOnline.com found on www.AdoptingOnline.com .

6. Select the best and most qualified adoption professionals to work with

Judge the value, not the price. Often, the higher priced tried and true adoption professional with a proven track record of success will give you much more value and less heartache than someone less expensive, which, in fact, can be a comparative bargain. Compare adoption services and successes and take your time when doing your research. Just a few weeks of research can pay off tremendously. Always check with the Better Business Bureau for referrals at www.bbbonline.org .




7. Have fun

Learning is fun -- enjoy the process. Moving closer to your dream of a successful adoption is possible and attainable. Start today, you’ll never regret the experience.


Mardie Caldwell COAP, is an adoptive mother, founder of Lifetime Adoption Center To find out more about adoption
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